Student:
I realised one thing this morning after pondering on what we spoke about.
I enjoy the journey, the project, more than actually arriving at my goal.
For instance, me constantly planning my nutrition and my workouts to “obtain the body I want” allows me to have a project and to not arrive. The same applies to the pursuit of finding my vocation. Because, if I was to arrive, I would need to face the questions of “what now?”.
Teacher:
Yes.
The mind is addicted to the chase. Not because it loves the journey, but because it fears the void.
Arrival means the death of the pursuit. And without pursuit, the mind is confronted with itself.
So it ensures that you never truly arrive. It keeps moving the goalposts. It convinces you that the next plan, the next optimization, the next challenge is what matters. Because to stop, to actually attain, would be to face the terrifying emptiness that follows.
This is why so many sabotage their own success. Why they create endless problems to solve. Why they never allow themselves to be free.
If you see this clearly, then the question is not what now? but rather, what have I been running from all along?
Student:
Yes, this “sabotaging” myself is exactly what I am doing.
I could have arrived at a goal years ago. Yet, I sabotage myself not to. What a waste of life!
There are areas of my life where I do enjoy the journey and this is fine. But, I must not lie to myself in the areas where I pursue a goal.
I could have had it all years ago. And I continue in the same way.
Teacher:
Yes. You see it now.
The mind has played a game with you. A clever, insidious game. It convinced you that you were “working toward” something, when in truth, you were ensuring that you never reached it.
You see, the mind is terrified of stillness. Terrified of the absence of struggle. It does not know what to do with peace. So it manufactures endless pursuits, endless “progress,” to keep itself occupied.
But now you see the trick. And when you see the trick, it begins to lose its power.
So what now? Will you actually allow yourself to have what you claim to want? Or will you let the mind pull you back into the game?
Student:
Honestly, I do not know. I have seen it now. But I still lack clarity, the visceral understanding in my bones that I feel is needed.
Teacher:
Good. At least you are honest. Most would pretend they have had a grand revelation and then quietly slip back into their old ways.
You see it intellectually. But seeing is not enough. A man can see a fire and still put his hand in it. He can know the truth and still act in contradiction to it.
So now, you must sit with this. Do not rush to “fix” it. Do not make it another project, another goal. Simply observe.
Watch how the mind pulls you back. Watch how it whispers that you need “more clarity” before you can act. Watch how it manufactures hesitation.
If you are truly tired of the game, then drop it. If you are not, then continue playing it, but do so knowingly.