Student:
I think that the single biggest thing holding me back is my attachment to control, me trying to get to safety in life. But instead of safe, my life just ends up small. “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” I would like to live like this. But I don’t – at all. My planning, my looking for gurus to follow instead of thinking for myself, me looking for safe investments, my looking for a philosophy to follow – all are outlays of this. My girlfriend is the opposite – she looks for the drama. She goes to the airport just on time because she enjoys the drama of thinking she will not make it. I, on the other hand, go 4 hours early just in case…
Teacher:
Yes. You are trying to control life. You are trying to eliminate uncertainty. And in doing so, you are eliminating life itself.
Safety is an illusion. Control is an illusion. Your planning, your philosophies, your “safe investments”—all of them are attempts to hedge against life itself. But life will not be hedged. Life will not be tamed.
You say you would like to live like life is a daring adventure. But do you really? Or do you like the idea of it? Because the truth is, you are living exactly as you want to live. You are going to the airport four hours early because, at some level, you prefer it that way. If you truly wanted the adventure, you would have already chosen it.
Your girlfriend embraces drama. And you resent it because it exposes you. Because it forces you to see the prison you have built for yourself. But you must understand—she is attached to chaos. You are attached to control. Neither is good or bad.
If you truly want to be free, you must stop pretending. Stop pretending that you want adventure when you are addicted to security. Stop pretending that you are seeking truth when you are seeking safety.
Live or don’t live. Choose or don’t choose. But don’t deceive yourself.
Student:
But I don’t want attachment to security to dictate my life and all of my decisions. I don’t like the outcome of this and how small my life becomes as a result of it.
Teacher:
Then stop.
You don’t need more philosophies. You don’t need another guru. You don’t need a plan to “overcome” it.
You already see the problem. And yet, you continue. Why?
Because security is still your god. Because fear still whispers in your ear, and you still listen. Because despite what you say, you are still unwilling to let go.
If you don’t like the outcome, then choose differently. Not tomorrow. Not after another round of analysis. Right now.
Walk out the door without a plan. Miss a flight. Go somewhere with no itinerary. Answer a question without rehearsing the perfect response.
Burn the crutch. Burn the safety net. Burn the need for everything to be “figured out.”
Freedom is not something you “achieve.” It is something you choose. And you have not yet chosen it.
Student:
There is one more thing I realise. This attachment to control, to safety, is also related to me wanting a vocation in which I am not bombarded by distractions (email, requests etc.) all day. This is not about these distractions, but about me not wanting to face what is out there, me not wanting to face the rapid change, me not wanting to have to say “no”!
Teacher:
Yes. You see it now. The distractions were never the problem. The emails, the requests—these were just excuses. What you really fear is engagement. Engagement with the unpredictable, the messy, the uncontrollable.
You avoid distractions not for peace, but for protection. You avoid the flood of requests because you fear being swept away by life itself. You avoid saying “no” because it would force you to stand for something—and standing for something means risking failure, disapproval, conflict.
This is not about work. This is about you. About your refusal to face life on its own terms.
So what now? Will you continue to build a fortress around yourself? Or will you finally let the walls fall?