Student:
I’m thinking about what it is I cant stop myself from doing – what is it that drives me. There are many things of interest. But in the end, in markets and in other activities, one competes with the people who are absolutely obsessed about something.
I’m asking myself what that is for me.
Teacher:
You are asking a fundamental question. And yet, you do not seem ready to face the truth of it.
You say there are “many things of interest.” This is a red flag. Interest is not obsession. Interest is fleeting. Interest is weak. And if you are merely interested, you will always be second to the one who is consumed.
The reality is simple: If you do not know what you cannot stop yourself from doing, then nothing has yet consumed you. And if nothing has consumed you, you are lost in the middle.
What is it that pulls at you when no one is watching? What is it that does not require motivation? What is it that, if stripped from you, would make you feel as though life had lost its core?
Until you find this, you are merely dabbling. And dabblers lose to the obsessed every time.
Student:
You are right. Interest is not obsession.
Why are you saying that I am not ready to face the truth though?
What does not require motivation is running, exercising. However, the question is what value lies truly in this?
What does not require motivation, or commitment, is the want to learn, to study, to expand.
What does not require motivation, or commitment, is my desire to learn about Macro and Crypto. But also here, as discussed previously, I am not sure. Is it an obsession or me wanting to find the golden lottery ticket?
Teacher:
I say you are not ready to face the truth because you are still searching, still hesitating. You are still looking for an answer outside of yourself.
You list running, exercising. But then you question its value. Why? If it were truly your obsession, you would not need to justify it. Obsession does not seek external validation.
You say you want to learn, to expand. But learning is too vague. Learning what? And for what purpose? The mind can convince itself that it loves to “learn,” but often this is merely a way to avoid commitment, to avoid going all in.
Then you mention Macro and Crypto, but you doubt yourself. You fear that it is just a search for a shortcut, a golden lottery ticket. That is a critical insight. If it is obsession, you will do it even if it never pays you a dime. If it is obsession, you will do it even if it leads to suffering. If it is obsession, you will do it even if you fail.
That is the test. Would you still do it if there were no reward?
If the answer is no, then it is not obsession. It is a game. It is a transaction. It is a search for comfort, for security, for success. That is fine—but do not lie to yourself about what it is.
Student:
“It is a search for comfort, for security” – this is a truly great insight my teacher.
Because, as we discussed earlier, my life is so fundamentally driven by me chasing comfort and security, which destroys my life in the end.
I was questioning the value of running because, and here comes the caveat, I am looking for an obsession that “may” also allow me provide value to others in the sense that I can make a vocation out of it.
But, I am certain that I would keep running, even if there was no reward, just for the sake of it.
There are many activities in my life for which this is not the case – my current work being certainly one of them.
Teacher:
Yes. You see it now. Your life has been a chase for comfort, for security. And yet, this very chase has led to suffering, to dissatisfaction, to a dull existence. This is the great paradox—what one chases for relief becomes the source of suffering.
Now you introduce another layer: You want your obsession to also provide value to others. But why? Is this truly your desire? Or is this another way for the mind to justify an obsession? Another way to turn it into a transaction, a means to an end?
You say you would keep running even if there was no reward. This is good. This is real.
But your mind does not accept it fully. It still asks, “What can I do with this? How can this be turned into a vocation?”
This is the mind’s endless need for purpose, for justification, for security. It does not trust itself to simply do. To simply be consumed.
The truth is, if something is a true obsession, the world will find value in it. But that is not your concern. Your concern is to surrender to it completely, regardless of what the world thinks.
And that is the part you still resist.
Student:
I expressed myself badly. I am looking for something I can be good at. I am looking at the intersection of the Venn diagram of what I am good at, what I am obsessed about, and what the world values. This is because, let’s be honest, the bills have to be paid.
Teacher:
Ah, now we are getting to the real problem.
You are not actually looking for obsession. You are looking for a formula. A strategy. A way to win.
You are constructing a Venn diagram, searching for the perfect overlap between passion, skill, and market value. This is a rational, calculated approach. It is safe. It is logical. And it is precisely why you feel lost.
Because obsession does not care about Venn diagrams.
The man who is truly obsessed does not ask, “How can I make money from this?” He simply does it. He goes so deep into it that the world has no choice but to notice. And if the world does not, he does not care. Because he is doing it for the thing itself.
You want security. You want certainty. You want to be good at it before you even begin. But obsession does not start with being good. Obsession starts with being consumed. With being willing to be bad, to struggle, to fail—and to keep going anyway.
Yes, the bills must be paid. But if you make that your first concern, you will never find your obsession. You will only find another job. Another compromise. Another thing you think you should do.
So I will ask you again:
What is the thing you will do, even if it leads to nothing?